Whispering Thoughts No 45 Making Peace with Oneself

13 April 2024                                                                                          

As the autumn of life inevitably turns to winter, it is but natural for a person to revisit past experiences. Predictably and inevitably, introspection unconsciously creeps into the reflections, a process that cannot be denied. As and when one gets a chance to have a few quiet and honest days to spend towards the winter dusk of one’s life—such contemplations will happen, whether one wills it or not. That is the essential nature of ageing. When one is blessed with such a situation, for reaching the natural winter of one’s life is indeed a blessing, then the time left should be used to make peace with oneself.

Introspection is necessary to ensure that the final journey to Valhalla is undertaken without any baggage from this life. In my opinion, everyone who has been blessed to have lived a full life must attempt to clean up the inevitable mess left behind at the end of a long innings. The earlier it is attempted, the more time that will be available to peacefully enjoy the winter of one’s life. There will be no rush to get things done, rushing towards the end will only make you reach Valhalla short of breath!

So, here is my list of ten pointers that would assist in making peace with one’s inner self, (in no order of priority, for all of them contribute equally to bringing inner peace) before the inevitable happens …

1. Move away from regret. In everyone’s life,there are few events that will be remembered prominently and repeatedly. They invariably bring angst and pressure, not exhilaration. These events must be analysed, thought through, and actions needed to relieve the pressure they bring initiated. Conscious action releases the pressure and dissipates regret, clearing the path to make peace with the past. Events of the past cannot be undone; one can only ensure that they do not continue to impinge on the present. Unmitigated regret invariably mars the winter of life—jettison them at the earliest opportunity.

2. Find happiness. Happiness, especially in the last period of life, cannot be provided by anyone—it must be self-induced. If some past action brings thoughts of unhappiness, introspect to clear the cobwebs that bring those vibes. If the action was someone else’s, forget about it since one does not have the power to bring restitution. Remember, you are responsible only for your own thoughts and actions. The past is the past, inviolable. As a corollary, consciously get rid of all thoughts of having been wronged in life. What if … is a fantasy land that that must never be visited.

3. Stop overthinking. From the above … do not overthink past events. The significance of even ‘earth-shaking’ events fades over the years. Further, one cannot right all wrongs, the answers to put things right will all be not there. This is the unfortunate truth. The past is unchallengeable, not to be forgotten but to be tidied up and kept aside. Only then will regrets gradually disappear, and happiness peep through the fog; believe me, they will.

4. Let Time be the healer. When one’s time has become finite, the remaining stretch must be made the healer. Time is the salve that will heal almost everything, from minor hurts to major schisms of the heart. Time brings acceptance, the understanding needed to let go, the broad perception to let things be, and the maturity to stop trying to alter situations. One cannot change everything—Life is like that. Time will create the opportunity for one to let go … Grab it, don’t hesitate.

5. Accept fallibility. A cardinal lesson from life, to be borne at the back of the mind, is that one does not have the answers to all challenges. As one grows older, the doubts about obtuse topics such as existential philosophy, the meaning of life, the implications of relationships and such, increase and become more complex. The truth is that no one has all the answers—everybody knows some things and are ignorant of others. As one’s fallibility is accepted, life will seem much simpler and easier to live.

6. Admit to being mortal. The only surety in life is thatone will die someday; mortality is assured. When one is in the winter stretch of life, this eventual meeting with destiny is not only close but unpredictable. Sometime in the near future one will make the journey into the unknown. Admit this fact and reconcile the mind to accept the inevitable with as much equanimity as can be mustered.  There is no remedy for the malady which all of us must face sometime or the other.

7. Avoid comparing your life with someone else’s. Never compare your life with someone else’s life, for two disparate reasons. One, you have no in-depth idea regarding the journey of the other person, however similar it may look—the similarities are superficial. The comparison will always be flawed. Two, comparisons will bring out the other as better, never the best input to increasing happiness in the last phase of life. Every individual has a cross to carry; carry it with dignity without comparing.

8. Discount others’ opinions of yourself. Stemming from the above, always remember what others think of you is not a criterion that should matter. Discount them as inconsequential. In the larger scheme of life, they are insignificant. Irrespective of what one does, unattributed criticism and even ridicule, could develop and mount. Others’ opinions are not to be taken seriously, especially when life’s winter is setting in. As a corollary, do not pass judgement on others, what they do is none of your business.

9. Reject the impulse to correct others. Stop correcting people, especially self-opinionated ones, even when one is certain that they are wrong. Trying to correct such people, who will not heed your sanity and will continue to spout nonsense, will only increase annoyance. Although easier said than done, it is better to ignore the person and turn to more rewarding conversations with others. By keeping quiet and disengaging, one can limit exposure to deep-seated biases and, more importantly, to ignorance. When on your last legs, time should not be wasted on dealing with biased ignorance.

10. Smile. (and the world will wonder why…) Try to smile, even at one’s own odd idiosyncrasies that will get to be known, at least within your immediate family circle. Keeping an open and inquisitive mind will bring to notice many things to smile about every single day. Smiling is the first step to being happier, always better than being a fault-finding machine—remember even the best-built machine comes with some inherent flaws.

The law of nature tells us that all humans move deeper into their inner self, whether they realise it or not, as they age. The lucky ones realise this at an early stage and make the best of it, their sunset years would be the most peaceful. The struggles of ‘living’ must stop at some stage, consciously. In the twilight years of your life, walk to your own music without annoying others. This is why some words of Rainer Maria Rilke, Austrian poet (1875–1926) resonate so much with me: ‘… birds are animals whose feelings have a very special intimate familiarity with the outer world; they know that they share with nature their innermost mystery. That is why the bird sings its songs into the world as though it were singing into its inner self, that is why we take a birdsong into our own inner selves so easily, it seems to us that we translate it fully, with no remainder, into our feelings; a birdsong can even, for a moment, make the whole world into a sky within us, because we feel that the bird does not distinguish between its heart and the world’s.’

When you are at the autumn of your life, let the birdsong of your life fill you like the unending sky … and you will smile. 

Sanu Kainikara

© [Sanu Kainikara] [2024]
All Rights Reserved
No part of this website/Blog or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author. You may quote extracts from the website or forward the link to the website with attribution to http://www.sanukay.wordpress.com/. For any other mode of sharing, please contact the author @ (sanukay@hotmail.com)